As an oldest daughter who is accustomed to being “worshipped” for having things altogether I’ve been in pursuit of what I didn’t have language for until reading this post - the art of being truly witnessed by those around me. What I’ve discovered is that for many the worshipping is easier than the witness. It’s easier to applaud people from a far than it is to sit with them when life doesn’t feel worth applauding, when it feels faulty and broken. I’ve also noticed that on my end exposing the less appealing sides of myself has been extremely difficult and feels somewhat like the start of drowning…when you realize you’ve gone too deep and can’t get yourself out without assistance. It’s been an uncomfortable year but I dare say it’s still been worth it.
Brieanna, thank you for sharing your reflections. Ugh, I feel every word. Not the oldest daughter, but second oldest and I still can see myself in your experience of being worshipped for having everything "together." The worshipping is surely easier than the witness. The witness is uncomfortable, it can get raw and heavy and ugly and some people just don't want the weight of that. I share in the discomfort this year has brought... a breaking down — only to be built back together again. Sending love <3
I loved reading this. To me, the difference between being seen and being witnessed has much to do with the intention. To be seen is something like a compulsion, a coincidence, a passing cloud. Where to be witnessed is to first be seen, then noticed, and then ultimately— chosen.
Wow what a beautiful piece. To me, being witness is to hold space for another whilst to be seen is to entertain, to distract, to take from the object of your attention. I loved the last line of your piece, "And I don’t want to just be love’s inhale, the breath of me that people take. I want to be its exhale, the breath poured out and given back to me. The feeling that lets me know I am safe here, I can breathe here, I can be here." It is safe to receive. True love is the ability to know you can be held in all that you are and they will not drop you.
Have you listened to the song, "You Matter to Me" from the musical Waitress. I think it would really resonate with you. Especially the line, "I hope someone would hold you for 7 minutes straight. They don't look at your face. They don't try to kiss you. All they do is hold you without an inch of selfishness to it. I hope you get addicted baby. I hope you get addicted to saying things and having them matter to somebody."
I adore this whole piece. Thank you for sharing it with us ❤️ Witnessing to me means seeing someone with no judgement and no expectations of who I want them to be or need them to be. Being their breathing space, not their stage.
So glad these words landed Nadia <3 ahhh yes, being their breathing space and not their stage. So much of seeing feels performance based. With witnessing, you can just be as you are.
I think being seen holds some power. For someone who struggled with feeling invisible for so long it was a step to be okay with letting small parts shine through. That said, I did not thrive until I learned what being witnessed felt like. It’s the difference between a small indoor plant and being a whole forest. There’s power in germinating and growing but being witnessed is more involved, more present, more alive
Trauma is said to be the effect of being harmed in the absence of an empathetic witness. Usually the source or reason for the trauma IS the one who is supposed to be the empathetic witness but instead of loving you in your most vulnerable moment, they harm you. I thought about trauma here because what you have described is the opposite- a way of moving through life, sitting with everything each season brings either alone at home in oneself or with people who are empathetic to your experience. I also want to be witnessed not worshipped. It has also been said that being put on a pedestal is the same as being placed as “less than” - either way we are not equals. I have found that when they want to control me, they will first worship me and then subsequently convince me I am not enough.
I want to be witnessed. I want to be known. And I want to be loved for my authentic self.
Some key things that stuck out to me through your words:
- an empathetic witness
- being put on a pedestal as being considered "less than"
- they will first worship me and then subsequently convince me I am not enough
Whew! Grace, thank you for your response here. I love the idea of being in the presence of empathetic witnesses to our authentic selves/journeys. Also, I never thought about being put on a pedestal as being considered as "less than," but it makes perfect sense. If they considered you to be on their same level, there wouldn't need to be a pedestal to elevate you. Wow!
As an oldest daughter who is accustomed to being “worshipped” for having things altogether I’ve been in pursuit of what I didn’t have language for until reading this post - the art of being truly witnessed by those around me. What I’ve discovered is that for many the worshipping is easier than the witness. It’s easier to applaud people from a far than it is to sit with them when life doesn’t feel worth applauding, when it feels faulty and broken. I’ve also noticed that on my end exposing the less appealing sides of myself has been extremely difficult and feels somewhat like the start of drowning…when you realize you’ve gone too deep and can’t get yourself out without assistance. It’s been an uncomfortable year but I dare say it’s still been worth it.
Brieanna, thank you for sharing your reflections. Ugh, I feel every word. Not the oldest daughter, but second oldest and I still can see myself in your experience of being worshipped for having everything "together." The worshipping is surely easier than the witness. The witness is uncomfortable, it can get raw and heavy and ugly and some people just don't want the weight of that. I share in the discomfort this year has brought... a breaking down — only to be built back together again. Sending love <3
I love nothing more than reading a piece of work and clinging onto every single word and the very way in which they are strung together.
This is… just. stunning. I will be coming back to this piece for years and years.
I’m so glad this found you <3 thank you for being here
So beautiful🩷
What an absolutely gorgeous piece Mariah! I thoroughly enjoyed this. ✨✨✨
So deep and moving, please keep writing. You have such a beautiful gift for putting words to the essence of life.
Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart ❤️
This was so beautifully written. Line by line. Thank you.
So glad it landed well, thank you <3
I loved reading this. To me, the difference between being seen and being witnessed has much to do with the intention. To be seen is something like a compulsion, a coincidence, a passing cloud. Where to be witnessed is to first be seen, then noticed, and then ultimately— chosen.
"Then ultimately— chosen." I love that so much!
Beautiful ✨🫀
Thank you <3
Gorgeous gorgeous writing 🫶🏽
Thank you so much <3
Wow what a beautiful piece. To me, being witness is to hold space for another whilst to be seen is to entertain, to distract, to take from the object of your attention. I loved the last line of your piece, "And I don’t want to just be love’s inhale, the breath of me that people take. I want to be its exhale, the breath poured out and given back to me. The feeling that lets me know I am safe here, I can breathe here, I can be here." It is safe to receive. True love is the ability to know you can be held in all that you are and they will not drop you.
Yess, taking from the object of attention. Maybe that's why my experience of being seen felt so depleting. Thank you for sharing this <3
Have you listened to the song, "You Matter to Me" from the musical Waitress. I think it would really resonate with you. Especially the line, "I hope someone would hold you for 7 minutes straight. They don't look at your face. They don't try to kiss you. All they do is hold you without an inch of selfishness to it. I hope you get addicted baby. I hope you get addicted to saying things and having them matter to somebody."
Just listened and it's oh so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing <3
I haven't heard, but will be sure to give it a listen! Thanks so much!
I adore this whole piece. Thank you for sharing it with us ❤️ Witnessing to me means seeing someone with no judgement and no expectations of who I want them to be or need them to be. Being their breathing space, not their stage.
You gave me such a warm hug with this piece. ❤️
So glad these words landed Nadia <3 ahhh yes, being their breathing space and not their stage. So much of seeing feels performance based. With witnessing, you can just be as you are.
“Known my name in every texture.”
Come on now with this whole essay and that specific line. Your writing is beautiful and filled with depth.
Thank you Camille <3
I think being seen holds some power. For someone who struggled with feeling invisible for so long it was a step to be okay with letting small parts shine through. That said, I did not thrive until I learned what being witnessed felt like. It’s the difference between a small indoor plant and being a whole forest. There’s power in germinating and growing but being witnessed is more involved, more present, more alive
Yes yes yes!! Being witnesses is such an involved process, where the witnesser often also has a hand in the tending.
I think a witness experiences with, whereas seeing implies emotional distance, almost like an observer. It is imperfect to know the difference!
Yes!
I meant important* not imperfect lol
This is so lovely. So refreshing and true.
Trauma is said to be the effect of being harmed in the absence of an empathetic witness. Usually the source or reason for the trauma IS the one who is supposed to be the empathetic witness but instead of loving you in your most vulnerable moment, they harm you. I thought about trauma here because what you have described is the opposite- a way of moving through life, sitting with everything each season brings either alone at home in oneself or with people who are empathetic to your experience. I also want to be witnessed not worshipped. It has also been said that being put on a pedestal is the same as being placed as “less than” - either way we are not equals. I have found that when they want to control me, they will first worship me and then subsequently convince me I am not enough.
I want to be witnessed. I want to be known. And I want to be loved for my authentic self.
Some key things that stuck out to me through your words:
- an empathetic witness
- being put on a pedestal as being considered "less than"
- they will first worship me and then subsequently convince me I am not enough
Whew! Grace, thank you for your response here. I love the idea of being in the presence of empathetic witnesses to our authentic selves/journeys. Also, I never thought about being put on a pedestal as being considered as "less than," but it makes perfect sense. If they considered you to be on their same level, there wouldn't need to be a pedestal to elevate you. Wow!
Well put. A pedestal simply means “you’re not one of us” and that easily turns into “you’re less than.”
Beautifully articulated, thank you ☺️
Thank you <3