You’re right about second-hand grief. You watch someone crumble, and suddenly you’re on the floor with them, bleeding out emotions you didn’t even know you had. It’s raw, it’s ugly, and it’s relentless. A few years back, I watched a friend’s world go to hell. It’s soooo hardd, realizing that the grief you’re feeling is just a reflection of the grief you’ve been hiding from yourself. All I want to say after reading this is, keep on writing through the wreckage 🧡
Yesss exactly all of that. Whew, it's hard. But thank you so much! I never thought about the grief just being a reflection of what you've been hiding from yourself. I'm going to have to dive into that.
Can writing about grieving be beautiful? Yes, you, Mariah, have demonstrated that! What a soul moving post of reflection. You have shown what it means to be a loving, compassionate soul in a world that needs more of us in tune with the grieving of others so that we can truly be loving, compassionate souls. Thank you for all of this. Big hugs and blessings to you! ~Wendy
Thank you for this beautiful reflection Mariah. ❤️
I'm so sorry about your friends friend. This is horrible. I hope she is surrounded by support and love so she can heal.
It's so hard to exist in this world having to take care of your survival and feel like we have to care about everyone and everything else on top of that. Which, realistically, of course we can't do, definitely not all of the time.
But I think often we need to "break" and that being "balanced" can be a westernised ideal, something we do because we're so scared of that breaking and we want to avoid it at all costs. We are so terrified of pain. And understandably so, we're not equipped to handle it, because we're often so isolated.
Grieving in community, being held while doing so is a lot easier.
What does breaking even mean though? Every time in my life when I thought I couldn't take anymore grief, when it felt like I couldn't breathe anymore, l found that I expanded a little. Every time a little more. And that expansion is PAINFUL. But I don't see it as breaking. It's an opening that can feel like being broken I guess. But it happens every time. Our hearts can stretch so much and I believe that one reason for that is the pain that is shared. Whenever I felt I couldn't go any further, it was because I was alone. And every time I was able to keep grieving and be in the pain FULLY was because someone else was grieving with me.
“Whenever I felt I couldn't go any further, it was because I was alone. And every time I was able to keep grieving and be in the pain FULLY was because someone else was grieving with me.”
Nadia, that was so beautifully said, I have chills. When I think about my grief I realize I have often gone the course alone. I mean, I believe society kind of makes us think that’s how it’s supposed to be. There’s no space made for the true, raw, agonizing grief. We’re supposed to pick up our pieces and carry on - especially if it’s not the traditional kind of grief such as losing a loved one to death. We don’t recognize and honor all the forms that grieving takes. So when we find ourselves grieving, it’s often easier to do so in isolation than to be vulnerable and open ourselves up to doing so in communal spaces. I love how you painted the image of breaking as rather being an expansion. That’s something I’m going to reflect on. Also, I believe our pain is shared the same way our humanity is shared. If we could be softer in that truth, spaces for such communal grief would be more accessible.
This piece reminded me of a quote from Warsan Shire: "If it will keep my heart soft, / break my heart every day."
Sometimes breaking a little is necessary. The issue lies when people choose to remain in a broken state and/or don't even attempt to rebuild themselves. To feel the weight of grief—whether it belongs to you or another—is to be human. However, some people seem to believe that simply feeling the grief of another is enough; what we need is to turn feelinsg like grief, love, anger, and empathy into action and change.
This was a very thought-provoking pieces. I have a lot to think about now. I don't mourn or feel grief in the way that others do because of my strained relationship with vulnerability. Writing and talking about grief has been so hard but necessary. I greatly appreciate this offering. ❤️
I love that quote so much. I also agree that the breaking is necessary at times. It’s how we allow it to move us that matters. How those emotions ignite us to propel forward and fight/advocate for the changes we want to see.
This reminded me of a verse in Romans 12 that’s says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”
As an empath myself, I enjoyed this post because it can be extremely easy to lose ourselves in the sea of feelings if we aren’t careful. I think maybe our purpose is not to swim with them in their waters of despair but to steer the ship and guide them to the lighthouse.
That last line, whew😮💨. Thank you for sharing this Kiana. I think we as empaths have to be extra careful to not risk taking on the suffering of others to the point where it becomes debilitating. I find that I’m learning what that looks like, for me to hold space for another person’s grief without allowing it to become my own.
You’re right about second-hand grief. You watch someone crumble, and suddenly you’re on the floor with them, bleeding out emotions you didn’t even know you had. It’s raw, it’s ugly, and it’s relentless. A few years back, I watched a friend’s world go to hell. It’s soooo hardd, realizing that the grief you’re feeling is just a reflection of the grief you’ve been hiding from yourself. All I want to say after reading this is, keep on writing through the wreckage 🧡
Yesss exactly all of that. Whew, it's hard. But thank you so much! I never thought about the grief just being a reflection of what you've been hiding from yourself. I'm going to have to dive into that.
Can writing about grieving be beautiful? Yes, you, Mariah, have demonstrated that! What a soul moving post of reflection. You have shown what it means to be a loving, compassionate soul in a world that needs more of us in tune with the grieving of others so that we can truly be loving, compassionate souls. Thank you for all of this. Big hugs and blessings to you! ~Wendy
Thank you Wendy!
Thank you for this beautiful reflection Mariah. ❤️
I'm so sorry about your friends friend. This is horrible. I hope she is surrounded by support and love so she can heal.
It's so hard to exist in this world having to take care of your survival and feel like we have to care about everyone and everything else on top of that. Which, realistically, of course we can't do, definitely not all of the time.
But I think often we need to "break" and that being "balanced" can be a westernised ideal, something we do because we're so scared of that breaking and we want to avoid it at all costs. We are so terrified of pain. And understandably so, we're not equipped to handle it, because we're often so isolated.
Grieving in community, being held while doing so is a lot easier.
What does breaking even mean though? Every time in my life when I thought I couldn't take anymore grief, when it felt like I couldn't breathe anymore, l found that I expanded a little. Every time a little more. And that expansion is PAINFUL. But I don't see it as breaking. It's an opening that can feel like being broken I guess. But it happens every time. Our hearts can stretch so much and I believe that one reason for that is the pain that is shared. Whenever I felt I couldn't go any further, it was because I was alone. And every time I was able to keep grieving and be in the pain FULLY was because someone else was grieving with me.
“Whenever I felt I couldn't go any further, it was because I was alone. And every time I was able to keep grieving and be in the pain FULLY was because someone else was grieving with me.”
Nadia, that was so beautifully said, I have chills. When I think about my grief I realize I have often gone the course alone. I mean, I believe society kind of makes us think that’s how it’s supposed to be. There’s no space made for the true, raw, agonizing grief. We’re supposed to pick up our pieces and carry on - especially if it’s not the traditional kind of grief such as losing a loved one to death. We don’t recognize and honor all the forms that grieving takes. So when we find ourselves grieving, it’s often easier to do so in isolation than to be vulnerable and open ourselves up to doing so in communal spaces. I love how you painted the image of breaking as rather being an expansion. That’s something I’m going to reflect on. Also, I believe our pain is shared the same way our humanity is shared. If we could be softer in that truth, spaces for such communal grief would be more accessible.
This piece reminded me of a quote from Warsan Shire: "If it will keep my heart soft, / break my heart every day."
Sometimes breaking a little is necessary. The issue lies when people choose to remain in a broken state and/or don't even attempt to rebuild themselves. To feel the weight of grief—whether it belongs to you or another—is to be human. However, some people seem to believe that simply feeling the grief of another is enough; what we need is to turn feelinsg like grief, love, anger, and empathy into action and change.
This was a very thought-provoking pieces. I have a lot to think about now. I don't mourn or feel grief in the way that others do because of my strained relationship with vulnerability. Writing and talking about grief has been so hard but necessary. I greatly appreciate this offering. ❤️
I love that quote so much. I also agree that the breaking is necessary at times. It’s how we allow it to move us that matters. How those emotions ignite us to propel forward and fight/advocate for the changes we want to see.
This reminded me of a verse in Romans 12 that’s says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”
As an empath myself, I enjoyed this post because it can be extremely easy to lose ourselves in the sea of feelings if we aren’t careful. I think maybe our purpose is not to swim with them in their waters of despair but to steer the ship and guide them to the lighthouse.
That last line, whew😮💨. Thank you for sharing this Kiana. I think we as empaths have to be extra careful to not risk taking on the suffering of others to the point where it becomes debilitating. I find that I’m learning what that looks like, for me to hold space for another person’s grief without allowing it to become my own.
Yes exactly !☺️